Romy and Norah Carpentier
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July 12, 2020 15h47
Updated at 16h03
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Death of Norah and Romy Carpentier: Grief-Youth encourages a frank discussion with the children
Judith Desmeules
The Sun
Norah Carpentier was 11 years old, his little sister Romy contained only 6. They went to school, they had friends…Their friends will ask questions. Many parents will have to find the words to explain this tragic death to their children.
Several people were displaced on the scene, in Saint-Apollinaire, this end of the week. They wanted to help with the search, show solidarity. Several adults were accompanied by their children, among them, friends of the girls missing.
Although Grief-Youth does not encourage the participation of children in research – they don’t have to keep in memory a discovery as gruesome as the body inanimate Norah and Romy, it is beneficial to see the reality rather than imagine all kinds of scenarios.
“If children do not participate, they will imagine so many things… the concrete will help. It is also, the life, we can’t put our children in a cotton wool comfortable and away from all the drama that happen. It is traumatic and shocking for them, yes, but they can see much worse than this on the news or in the movies,” explains Josée Masson, founder and executive director of Mourning for Youth.
“If they were not safe, I would not agree. But in this case, it may help. We do not force, this is the golden rule”, she adds.
The organization of professional intervention helps young people and adults who live with serious illness, death of a loved one or a loss as a result of the separation of parental, abandonment or adoption.
Their services are available everywhere in the province. Since Saturday, the phone lines are very busy and that the stakeholders are working hard to support the families in the drama.
A puzzle incomplete
“It is important to tell children that things like that can happen. It lacks a lot of elements in the story currently, it is necessary to avoid saying : “Father killed his children”. We expect to have all the information. The cause of death is going to do that’s a different story. The truth is always good, but be careful not to invent it. It is said that the facts that we know at the time where people get to know you.”
The info known is that the two girls were found in the woods with no life and that their father is wanted by the police. They were all three missing since Wednesday evening. For the rest, the investigation of the Sûreté du Québec will tell us when items will be made public.
“It is as if we had a jigsaw puzzle of 100 pieces, and it was 75 pieces. It is hard to see the full picture,” insists Josée Masson.
“This is the life, we can’t put our children in a cotton wool comfortable and away from all the drama that happen. It is traumatic and shocking for them, yes, but they can see much worse than this on the news or in the movies ”
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Josée Masson, founder and executive director of Grief-Youth
Grief-Youth encourages frank communication. Children must feel that parents are there to answer questions. When these events are passed over in silence, if they learn it at school or elsewhere, children will not be tempted to discuss it openly.
“They will eventually know… we don’t talk about it. They are not obliged to be constantly immersed in that, but fair to say that something has happened.”
With Norah, who was 11 years old, it is very likely that the young people of his entourage have already access to social networks. On the Internet, it becomes difficult to filter the information.
“It is especially necessary to tell the children that all the separations or mental health problems do not lead to this outcome. There are several factors to take into account. To explain this, it is necessary to talk about it”, explains Josée Masson.
Josée Masson is the founder and executive director of Mourning for Youth.
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Back-to-school monitored
Is it that the schools should put in place support services at the start of September?
“For the schools affected, I would say yes. There will be reactions, attenuated with the summer, but present all the same. Come back in a context where our friend is not on our side… it is difficult. I would stress the long for a return to school more guarded. In all schools, it could be part of the discussions. Talk about the coronavirus, yes, but also a return on the drama. It should open the door and dare to broach the subject so that young people feel safe,” says Ms. Masson.
For each call, the stakeholders of Mourning-Youth rely on the temperament of each child in order to equip the family in the best way possible. And even if young people do not seem concerned, they know what method use to help them.
“To ensure their safety, it is important for children to know that people adults they like to can be a inappropriate behavior. If this is the case, they must denounce it. Life is unfortunately not only made of beautiful things”, concludes Ms. Masson.
Toll-free number for Grieving Youth: 1-855-889-3666
